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This week we are going to be discussing self-confidence because who doesn’t want more self-confidence? The definition of self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.
Have you ever thought about how a person with self-confidence exudes positivity and that is really attractive to most of us because being in their presence makes us feel good. Self-confident people have positive thoughts about themselves and do not have the need to judge or put others down.
But let me remind you of something very important, self-confidence is based on your mindset, on the way you think about yourself and your abilities.
The major cause for people feeling a lack of confidence is because on some level they don’t feel good enough. But, the good news is… that is just a thought, and with practice you can change your thoughts and beliefs.
Just because you have come to believe something (as in, I am not good at speaking in public), it doesn’t mean it is true.
That’s right, just because you believe something doesn’t mean it is true! You have to question your beliefs.
Because a belief is just a thought that you have thought so many times, you have come to believe it.
For example, when I was in 1st grade, I came home with a picture of a horse that I had drawn and I was super proud of it. I rushed in the house to show my mom and she said, “Oh, I can see you are just like me and you have absolutely no drawing talent…) The thing is, I believed her sooo many years, until I was in college and had to take some pretty intense drawing classes for my major. I was scared to death because in the back of my head, I could hear my mom saying that I wasn’t good at drawing, and I didn’t want to expose my lack of talent. But, you know what I ended up finding out in that class? Is that I can draw pretty good!
So, that is my point, just because you have a belief doesn’t mean it is true. We have neural pathways in are brain that our like dirt roads with huge ruts. And when we want to change our thoughts, we have to get out of the road with the rut and create a new pathway with our new thoughts.
You will notice that confident people speak differently than those who lack confidence. Confident people don’t say things like, “I’m such an idiot, I’m hopeless, or I am so stupid…”
So, it would stand to reason that if you want to be more confident, clearly watch you vocabulary and how you talk to yourself both out loud and within your mental dialogue.
They have done experiments that show that just the energy of the words you use have the ability to lift your spirits or make you feel down. When you use words like scared, pathetic, nervous or depressed to describe how you feel, you will continue to feel that way.
Our brain responds to descriptive words and takes every word we say as literal and accurate.
If you use words like petrified, terrified or scared to death, you are telling your body that you are in a state of extreme fear and it responds by increasing your fight or flight response by pumping up your adrenaline.
ISN’T THAT FASCINATING?
Yes, your brain believes whatever you tell it, so get into the habit of telling it only positive things. For example, “I am totally capable of handling this listing appointment!”
Self-Confidence is an emotion and as I always try to remind you, our feelings are generated by our thoughts.
It is also interesting to note that self-confident people are usually future-focused. They have a growth mindset and want to keep growing, trying new things, and have goals they are excited about pursuing.
Now, of course not everyone gets up feeling confident every single day but there are ways that you can appear more confident with just body language and being well put together. I’ve never seen any studies on this, but I honestly believe the more professional a person is dressed the more respect they receive.
So, think about your body language:
Posture — Stand straight, hold your chin up high, and keep your shoulders back.
Make good eye contact — When you make good eye contact with another person, it indicates that you are listening to them. You can use the 80/20 rule with this. Try looking at them for approximately 80% of the time you are speaking and then let your eyes drift around for the other 20% of the time.
Perfect your handshake — grasp their hand firmly but not too tight.
And lastly SMILE
Remember, nobody will believe in you unless you believe in yourself. And, developing self-confidence takes practice. Don’t get upset after facing some adversity. Practice persistence and remember that even diamonds are built with pressure.
Think of J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, who experienced 12 rejections before she got published. Since then, she has gone on to write the best-selling book series in history.
And so friends, I want to remind you that if you are going to be successful in creating the life you desire, don’t let rejections or failures stop you from chasing your dreams! Learn from the tough times, believe in yourself, and stay away from people that tear you down.
Remember, you can create the life you want by learning to manage your thoughts!
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Links:
Shelle Winkler Coaching: shellewinkler.com
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