What are your thoughts about yourself?

Do you realize that how we see ourselves is the most important factor contributing to what we do with our lives?

We are literally creating the results in our lives by how we think. 

But, the good news is we can change how we define ourselves!

And you are only defined by how you think about yourself. 

Your current negative thoughts about yourself aren’t the truth; they are just sentences in your mind that you have replayed so many times that you think they are the truth. 

You have the ability to change how you see yourself so you can create the results you want in life!

I used to have a girlfriend named Sarah who lived next door to me.  Sarah was fun, quirky, and a little bit different.  I adored her for her differences.  She was very creative, she made me laugh, and she really had a good heart.

The crazy thing was, no one else in the neighborhood really liked her.  She irritated them.  And they couldn’t understand what I saw in her.  

But the truth is…  they just had different thoughts about her than I did.  You see, your relationship with anybody boils down to your thoughts about them.

I had good thoughts about Sarah, and the other neighbors had far more critical thoughts of her because she didn’t live up to their expectations.

You see, most of us have a manual of rules and expectations on how we think others should act.  That’s what happened in Sarah’s case; she didn’t meet the other neighbors’ expectations of how they thought she should behave.  

Do you have a manual for other people in your life?  Your husband, kids, mother, etc?  

Most of us have these manuals and we don’t even realize it.  We have manuals for others and we never even let them know what our expectations are.  And then we get irritated when they don’t follow our manuals.

I will use the example of my 84 year old mother.  I am embarrassed to admit that I have a manual for her.  I expect my mother to be grateful for all the things I do for her.  I feel like I should be able to go visit her without her always asking me to do something. I expect her to give me a small present on my birthday and at Christmas to express her gratitude.  I end up getting irritated because she is not behaving the way I think she should.  And yet, she has no clue what I expect because I have not shared my expectations (or manual) with her.

Remember, if someone is irritating you or making you angry, it is only because you are having irritating or angry thoughts about them.  Thoughts create feelings.

And no one can hurt your feelings… Instead, you just happen to be thinking thoughts that hurt.  Are those thoughts serving you? 

Now, back to manuals…  Manuals can damage relationships.  We need to learn to discard our manuals and let the other person be who they are.  Or at the very least, have an honest conversation with them about what is bothering you. Just be aware that you should never try to control another person.  Control is never good in a relationship.  

So notice who you have manuals for… 

Learn to drop those manuals if it is causing friction in your relationship.

Because the truth is, your relationship with anyone, is tied to your thoughts about them.

If I asked you what your thoughts about money are… what would you say?

Do you have thoughts of abundance and that there will always be enough money, or do you always feel that there is a scarcity of money.

So much of what we think about money comes with the thoughts we grew up with.  For me, a few money sayings that my parents reiterated were:

• Money doesn’t grow on trees.
• The harder you work, the more money you make.
• Waste not, want not.
• Earning money is hard.
• Buying paper towels or ready made orange juice is a waste of money.

In fact, my mother inherited a nice sum on money recently, and yet, she still lives in fear of not having enough money. I literally have to remind her that you can afford to splurge once in a while.  

Although Bag Lady Syndrome sounds like a made up illness, the truth is as women age a great deal of them worry that they will out live their savings and investments, and end up living on the street with all their belongings in an extra-large purse. 

So let me share with you that your relationship with money is simply your thoughts about money.

How to you feel when you spend money?  Do you feel guilty, worried, obligated?

One thing to remember is, money is neutral until we assign a thought to it.

Think about Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme that defrauded $65 billion dollars from his investors accounts. Those investors (that ended up getting defrauded) felt their money had been invested wisely.They were feeling secure about their money when it wasn’t even in their accounts anymore.

If you feel you need to make more money, the best way to earn money is to create value.  That can mean creating more value for you employer, creating value by delivering great products and  services, or creating value by volunteering. We all have the ability to create value.  Sometimes you won’t be exactly sure how that value will come back to you, but keep doing your best at creating value in whatever you do and the universe will send it back to you.

So, start believing that you are valuable.  Believe in your talents and abilities.  Remember, there is no one else in the world that is quite like you. You have been given unique gifts of talent and ability that nobody else has. Use those special talents to create value.

Hang out with happy and successful people who are inspiring, and notice what they are doing.

Be grateful for what you have because when you are grateful, you attract more abundance into your life.

If you have negative thoughts, learn to change them.  Your thoughts are just choices you make, but remember, negative thoughts create negative energy.

Become aware of your thoughts around money.  Write them down and then take a look at them. Which thoughts on that list are serving you?  Remember, money only means what we make it mean.  What if all your negative thoughts about money are wrong?

In summary, figure out how you can create value, believe in the value of you talents and abilities, be grateful for what you already have,banish the negative thoughts that aren’t serving you, and spend time with inspiring people who are successful and fulfilled and notice what they are doing in their life.

Good luck my friends!

Shelle

Hey… if you would like a complimentary 30 minute coaching session to experience how coaching can help you, feel free to send me an email to shelle@shellewinkler.com.

Do you know where self-confidence comes from?

It comes from your thoughts.

Why?  Because our thoughts cause our feelings.

And yet, most of us believe the confidence comes from our achievements.

Like…

• How much success we have had in the past
• How much money we have in the bank.
• How much we weigh.
• How good we are at our job.

But, the real truth is, self-confidence is an emotion and emotions (or feelings) are created by our thoughts.

Dictionary.com defines self-confidence as a feeling of trust in one’s ability, qualities and judgement.  And, a self confident person usually possesses a positive belief that they can generally accomplish anything they want to do.

Self-confident people have positive thoughts about themselves and do not have the need to judge or put others down to make themselves feel better.

Self-doubt is the opposite of self-confidence.  And, what you think about yourself is either going to create self-doubt or self-confidence.  

Learning to think positive thoughts that create self-confidence is a skill that takes practice.  The first step is to become aware of what you are thinking. 

Try doing a thought download. You do this by writing all your current thoughts about yourself down on paper. Now take a good look at them.

Are you thinking negative thoughts that create negative feelings? Or, do you have some positive thoughts mixed in with the negativity?

Take you negative thoughts that you wrote down and try to turn them around to something more positive.  Here are a few examples:

• I am too old to start a new career.  Versus: I’m willing to believe I can change careers at any age.
• Nobody would want to hire me.  Versus: I am choosing to believe that I have great skills that would make employers feel very good about hiring me.
• I am never going to find a partner and will probably spend the rest of my life alone.  Versus: I am committed to believing that there is someone out there just for me.

Believe me, changing your thoughts can and will change your life.  And, we all have the ability to change our thoughts.

So, it stands to reason that if you want to be more confident, clearly watch your vocabulary and how you talk to yourself both out loud and within your mental dialogue.

Remember, self-confidence is an emotion and our feelings are always generated by our thoughts. You must train yourself to observe your thoughts and get rid of your negativity. Developing self-confidence takes practice, but you can create the life you want by learning to manage your thoughts!

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Hey…  If you would like to get some coaching on self-confidence, I offer a complimentary (no obligation) 30 minute-coaching session. I will show you how to take a look at your limiting beliefs and teach you how to shift your pattern of thought so that  you can more easily tap into a strong sense of self-confidence.